In the Dark…

God has a way of leaving me in the dark about things.


Photo Credit: Jezz Tims

I know some people are given visions of what God is going to do with their lives (not necessarily the same way he spoke to people in the Bible but it’s not impossible.  I just haven’t met anyone that has claimed that).  These visions are clear cut direction for what God has in store for them.  “I want you to be a Pastor,” “I want you to be a Doctor,” “You will be a circus clown…” (okay maybe not that last one, but stranger things have happened.  God can do amazing things through a circus clown, I’m sure!).  But God has never worked like that with me.  I heard quite often in Seminary that “God only gives you enough light in the tunnel to see the step in front of you.”  That is the story of my life…

If God were to tell me in High School that I was going to be a youth pastor someday, I would’ve run & hid under the covers.  But that quickly became a desire…

If God were to tell me in College that I would give sermons someday, I would’ve cried and hid in cave (I actually did avoid the sermon class while in seminary thinking I would never need it – my first “real job” required I take it!)… but I have… It’s still not my favorite thing to do and not my gift.  But I have done it.. I was always the student who at the beginning of the year (or even BEFORE) if I heard I would have to give a speech in a certain class I would fret and stress over it all year (or more…).  I’m convinced that’s why I was given my mandatory speech class for my very first Freshman class in college… God knew “LETS GET THIS OVER WITH.”

If God were to tell me my fairy tale plans of marrying young & done having kids by age 30 max wouldn’t come true, I would’ve kicked and screamed like a little girl… needless to say it took me a while to find my prince charming and took us even longer to start having kids (not our choosing, either).

If God were to tell me after 3 miscarriages that the child I would FINALLY carry would develop a heart problem before he was even born, I might have thrown in the towel…

If God were to tell me that I would not be the perfect woman, wife, mother, friend, professional, that I thought I would one day be, I might have never even tried to do anything in the first place.

Looking back, I’m glad God left me in the dark on certain things… but in the midst of the darkness, it’s not so easy.  When I feel in the dark I have to remember that God IS still in control and the only reason why he hasn’t shown me a few more steps is that perhaps I’m not ready for them yet.  I guess that’s not so bad… after all God IS the giver of light.  I just need to follow the glimpse He’s given.


ABC’s of Meme

Okay so I am a delinquent blogger.  I’ve had this thing for a month & have only posted 1 thing.  Part of it is lack of time, part of it is lack of interesting things to talk about.  But my sweet friend who also happens to blog posted this yesterday & she saw it on another blog & I believe that blog “borrowed” it from another one as well… anyways, I’ve decided to use it too.  It’s a great way to get to know me as a blogger.
A. Age: at my last birthday I celebrated the 12th anniversary of my 21st Birthday.
B. Bed size: Queen.  When we go to a hotel & sleep in a King I feel like we’re on different coasts!!
C. Chore that you hate: Ugh… all of them!  I would have to say the #1 thing I HATE to do is dusting.  I can manage to do everything else but I can make things look nice even when they’re dusty 🙂
D. Dogs: Currently no dogs – 2 cats & a lizard & I own a tortoise that is still residing at a friends house because we haven’t gotten around to getting him back yet after moving!!  We would like a SMALL dog someday, perhaps.  
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee, Coffee, Coffee & snuggle time with Levi.
F. Favorite color: Greens & Blues
G. Gold or Silver: I’m a gold girl mainly because it looks better with my skin tone.  I do like silver but it makes me look even paler than normal!!
H. Height: 5′ 4″ish
I. Instruments you play: I can play piano (had 7 years but don’t really play for others), I played Clarinet in school (band geek to the core!) but haven’t really touched it since, and I’ve dabbled with Guitar but can only play 3 songs.  I need lessons for that one…
J. Job title: Youth Director
K. Kids: One amazing Son, Levi, who is the light of my life.  I’m sure you’ll read lots more about him in the upcoming blogs!
L. Live: South Central PA. Like my good friend over at SHINE, I say “ya’ll” a lot too!
M. Mother’s name: Glenda
N. Nicknames: Heiders, PH (for Pastor Heidi), and the occasional “Heidi G.” (which is an update from “Heidi B.” since I got married).
O. Overnight hospital stays: My birth, and C-section for little man
P. Pet peeves: other drivers… I have been blessed with my father’s gift of “road rage,” people who always have to be in the middle of other people’s business (or “potstirrers” as I like to refer to them), and people who have to share their opinion about EVERYTHING.  Sometimes it’s okay to keep things to yourself!!
Q. Quote from a movie: “With great power comes great responsibility” Spiderman.  I’m not up to date on current movies…
R. Right or left handed: Righty but always secretly wanted to be a lefty like my cousin!!  It’s fun to watch them write!!  

S. Siblings: A “big” little brother who has gone from an annoyance to a good friend.
T. Time it takes you to get ready: Usually 30 minutes or so, depending on how motivated I am & well rested…
U. Ultimate Vacation: Too many places on my bucket list but at the top are Hawaii, Venice Italy, & I too would really like to go to Australia to meet Ezra and hang out with Karen & Joel 😀
V. Vegetable you hate: Asparagus & Brussel Sprouts.  ICK!
W. What makes you run late: My son now.  Although I would still sometimes blame myself & the need to get just “one more minute” of sleep.  I have never ever claimed to be a morning person.  Now it’s even harder getting out of the house in the am’s with a little one!!
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, fractured ribs, sprained ankle, I think that’s it!
Y. Yummy food that you make: Ugh, I really hate cooking but it’s a must around here or we wouldn’t eat (especially since we can’t afford to eat out all of the time!).  I don’t know what I would say is super yummy or “Heidi’s famous” anything.  As long as I have a recipe I can make just about anything.
Z. Zoo animal: Monkeys!  I love watching them play and react to one another.  They’re just fun animals.  I’ve also been to the Six Flags Safari in New Jersey & my favorite part was always the monkeys as they would crawl all over your car!!! 
Okay, that’s me in a nutshell!  What are some of your favorite or not so favorite things?