In the Dark…

God has a way of leaving me in the dark about things.

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Photo Credit: Jezz Tims

I know some people are given visions of what God is going to do with their lives (not necessarily the same way he spoke to people in the Bible but it’s not impossible.  I just haven’t met anyone that has claimed that).  These visions are clear cut direction for what God has in store for them.  “I want you to be a Pastor,” “I want you to be a Doctor,” “You will be a circus clown…” (okay maybe not that last one, but stranger things have happened.  God can do amazing things through a circus clown, I’m sure!).  But God has never worked like that with me.  I heard quite often in Seminary that “God only gives you enough light in the tunnel to see the step in front of you.”  That is the story of my life…

If God were to tell me in High School that I was going to be a youth pastor someday, I would’ve run & hid under the covers.  But that quickly became a desire…

If God were to tell me in College that I would give sermons someday, I would’ve cried and hid in cave (I actually did avoid the sermon class while in seminary thinking I would never need it – my first “real job” required I take it!)… but I have… It’s still not my favorite thing to do and not my gift.  But I have done it.. I was always the student who at the beginning of the year (or even BEFORE) if I heard I would have to give a speech in a certain class I would fret and stress over it all year (or more…).  I’m convinced that’s why I was given my mandatory speech class for my very first Freshman class in college… God knew “LETS GET THIS OVER WITH.”

If God were to tell me my fairy tale plans of marrying young & done having kids by age 30 max wouldn’t come true, I would’ve kicked and screamed like a little girl… needless to say it took me a while to find my prince charming and took us even longer to start having kids (not our choosing, either).

If God were to tell me after 3 miscarriages that the child I would FINALLY carry would develop a heart problem before he was even born, I might have thrown in the towel…

If God were to tell me that I would not be the perfect woman, wife, mother, friend, professional, that I thought I would one day be, I might have never even tried to do anything in the first place.

Looking back, I’m glad God left me in the dark on certain things… but in the midst of the darkness, it’s not so easy.  When I feel in the dark I have to remember that God IS still in control and the only reason why he hasn’t shown me a few more steps is that perhaps I’m not ready for them yet.  I guess that’s not so bad… after all God IS the giver of light.  I just need to follow the glimpse He’s given.

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