Dear Kyrie…

Several years ago I posted a Letter to Levi for my prayer and hopes and dreams for my son. Today I share with you a similar letter written to my daughter, little Kyrie Grace.

Dear Kyrie…

It is hard to believe that you are now 13 months old. I just seems like yesterday that you weren’t even born yet. Your Daddy & I prayed for you long before you were even a thought. After the bumpy road we experienced even before Levi was born having one child was a blessing, but two makes our cups “runneth” over!

We are so delighted in our little surprise! Like we did with your brother we decided to be surprised as to if you were a boy or a girl. Throughout the pregnancy I had myself convinced that you were a boy. Not because I didn’t want a girl, but the pregnancy felt very similar to Levi’s (other than his heart issue) so I had it in my head that you were also a boy. After time even Daddy was convinced that you were a boy. Imagine our surprise and extreme delight when they announced to us “IT’S A GIRL!” when you were born. And what even made it extra special was you showing up a week early and arriving on your Pappy’s Birthday!

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What a bundle of joy you have been to us!

You are the most wonderful baby girl we could ever ask for. Not only have we been blessed with a wonderful sleeper so far (THANK YOU GOD ABOVE!) but for the most part you are a very laid back little girl… aside from your drama queen moments, of course! You are a becoming a wonderful playmate for Levi and as you grow we pray that you two will be close and become good friends.

We pray that you also grow to respect and obey your Father and I. We are not perfect parents and will never ever claim to be. Know now that we will make mistakes and we pray that you offer us grace and understanding along the way. Parenting is not easy. You didn’t come with a manual, even as the second child, so bear with us! May you learn and understand that we do absolutely have your very best interest in mind. We trust someday you might look back and see where we truly tried our best.

We pray that you remain healthy. Ultimately, as a woman who has dealt with self esteem issues her entire life, I especiallly pray that God would grant you a healthy self esteem. May you grow up in a world where you don’t care so much what other people think. May you realize at a young age that the only opinion that matters is God’s – and He already loves you more than you can ever know. We pray that neither you or your brother have to deal with depression or anxiety like I have.

We pray that you grow up to be a strong young lady with a heart of gold. May God use you to make a difference in this world in some way, whether it’s in a small circle of people or all over the world. We also hope and pray that you come to know and love God and have a desire to serve Him. May you develop a relationship with Jesus Christ at a young age – old enough to understand the significance, of course, but young enough to be able to carry it with you throughout your life.

We pray that you have wonderful friends that guide you and want what’s best for you too. May you have friends who will challenge you and help to develop you into the wonderful person you are meant to be. We pray God protects you from the “wrong kind” of friends as well – just as we know he did the same for us as a children.

May you quickly understand right from wrong. When you do something wrong may you get caught so that you are able to learn from your mistakes. I pray that as you grow and mature you will have the desire to make the right choice, even when it might not be the easiest or most popular choice.

May you never be the victim of any kind of crime or abuse. May God protect you from all of that type of evil.

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I trust that God will answer these prayers in His own way. He already knows the beautiful young woman you will become and we cannot wait to see for ourselves just who that young lady will be!

Know you are loved.  Know that nothing you could ever do will make us stop loving you.

Know you are cared for more than words can say.

Know you are a miracle.

Know that we will always be your biggest fans.

Love, Mommy (& Daddy too!)

My one word for 2015: Trust

It was late one night this past Fall.  I was alone in my room and not feeling great to begin with so I had decided to go lay down. As  I was lying in bed, I began to cry out to God about a million worries going through my mind. I was literally CRYING OUT! With tears streaming down my face the worries and fears were pouring out of my mouth like lava from a volcano.

“What are you doing with me God? Am I being useful where I am at or do you have something else in store for me [job-wise]?”

“Am I raising my children right? Is there something more I could be doing to direct them towards You without being overly pushy?”

We have been looking to buy a new house and have been coming up empty-handed at every turn. We have yet to find the house that God has for us and that has been stressing me out so that was added to the list of worries…”Hello, God? Are you EVER going to direct us towards the right house?!? Are we not looking hard enough? Are we looking in the wrong areas?”

And through all of this I heard a resounding… “TRUST. Just TRUST”

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Trust has never come easily to me. I am one that likes my ducks in a row and that everything is as it should be. I also like to be in control. I am one that thinks an awful lot “if I want it done right I better do it myself!” which is not exactly great when it comes to allowing people to find their own gifts and abilities (but that’s another issue for another time). I don’t even trust others as easily as I wish I could. Too many bad experiences, I guess.

However, God reminds us in Proverbs 3…

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)

To be honest, I don’t know if I have ever really, fully put my entire trust in God, WITH ALL MY HEART. There were points in my life when I came awfully close, like when I was pregnant with my son, Levi. Halfway through we found out he had a heart problem. We were monitored weekly by ultrasound after that and really had to trust an awful lot that God had something good in store for us… trusting that everything would work out all right and we wouldn’t lose yet another child to miscarriage (or stillbirth if it got that far). But I had a lot of faith in the doctors as well and even the radiology technicians that they would see everything they needed to see.  I had probably 90% trust in God and 10% trust in the medical staff. That’s normal, I guess. Yet, all the time I was worried that God was going to teach us a lesson through taking our child away from us before we could hold it.

But praise be to God that I had a fighter living in me. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Levi. Then the day after he was born had a pacemaker put in to make his heart pump the way it should. We still trust God to keep him healthy but I’m also trusting his cardiologist and pacemaker technician as well to keep the thing working right and making sure he has all he needs to survive!  Even as I write this a small part of me fears that one day I could lose my healthy little three year old boy, to be honest.

God continues to remind me over and over again that I can trust him. I do trust Him with Levi’s heart. I also trust Him with my daughter, Kyrie. I trust Him with my life. I trust Him with my marriage. I trust Him with our finances. But all of this is to a point. I really, truly, want to put my trust in Him fully. To trust Him with ALL MY HEART.

And so, my one word for 2015 is TRUST.

Learn to Trust God that He will yet again blow my mind in so many different ways. That He will find us an amazing house to live in that we can fully feel like we’re HOME and can plant roots in. That He will guide and direct me in my future endeavors whatever that might be. And I can even trust Him to be the Mother HE wants me to be and to guide my children into a Life with Him – knowing that it will ultimately be their decision (and THAT is a different talk for a different time… let’s not go down that road right now)

I am even trusting God with this Blog and how He might use it, since I believe He has called me to have it. I TRUST that you reading this will be blessed through it!