When I was growing up and thinking about being a mother someday I wanted to have all boys. Boys seemed so much easier. Girls can be so dramatic and I wasn’t sure if I could deal with all of “that”. Being a girl I know how we can be. And hearing from my parents how obnoxious I was (and I honestly was nothing compared to others I knew), I just didn’t want to have to deal with drama.
God knew differently.
God knew that I would need to have a daughter to teach me more about myself as a woman, and better yet, boost my self-esteem. God knew that only being a mommy to a beautiful baby girl could do that.
My prayer early on was that she would not have the self esteem issues that I have carried. I guess because a lot of my issues stem from being a woman, I wasn’t worried about it as much with my son. Issues like appearance, and weight, and attitude, to name a few. Ladies, I’m sure y’all know what I’m talking about.
But now that I have a daughter, I’m more sensitive to the thoughts & feelings I have about myself.
Everyone we see always says how much my little girl looks like me. She truly is my “mini me.” I had found myself saying things like “I know, poor thing.” But then I got to thinking just how horrible that does sound. My daughter is beautiful, both inside and out. And I know that God thinks I’m beautiful, inside and out. I say I’m a child of God, created in His image. He would never say, “I know… poor thing.” He’s proud and He boasts FOR ME! Every time I say to my daughter, “You’re so pretty!” I hear God whispering “You are MY beautiful creation!”
I want my daughter to know just how special and beautiful she is. I want her to know that she is a child of God and she’s special just how she is. Because I’m so dead set on making sure she has a healthy self esteem, it’s boosting mine as well. I am aware of NOT putting myself down. I try not to give the “pity me” statements. I know I’m not the woman I want to be. I know I’m not the ideal weight I have for myself, and I know that there’s more I could be doing to get there. I know my attitude isn’t what it should be. But I also know that I have little eyes watching me. I have little ears listening to what I say. I have “parrots” ages 1.5 & 4 who repeat (almost) everything I say. I don’t want my children, especially my daughter, to grow up thinking it’s okay to put yourself down. The world will do enough of that for her, sadly.
When God gave me the gift of a daughter, He gave me the gift of seeing myself differently. And I am becoming a better woman and mom because of it. I thank God for this beautiful, wonderful, dramatic little girl.