To Know Then What I Know Now…

We recently moved over the summer into a new house and with that comes unpacking, unpacking, unpacking. In the midst of unpacking I came across some old photos from very first mission trip. I was such a kid in those pics. Taken nearly twenty years ago (that’s right, I was six in these pics, tee hee), I am reminded of the whimsical, whatever-may-be-attitude I had at that point. I was still in school and had my whole future ahead of me. IMG_2325

I didn’t really worry about money or a career or sickness. I was a little anxious about the unknown future but it seemed so far away. I lived in the present and enjoyed every minute of what was going on in my life.

I was just beginning to learn about who I was and for the first time in my life, I believe, I didn’t worry 100% about what other people thought of me (I’ve ALWAYS been a people pleaser, so thIMG_2330 (2)at was a HUGE milestone, right there).

I miss that girl. I miss who she was. I miss the la-di-dah attitude. She was fun.

However, looking back. The reason why I wasn’t concerned about the future and lived in the present was because I didn’t want to think about the future. At that point I had no idea what to do with my life or where to go to college and all of the pressures that were put on high school students even back then. I lived in the present because I feared the future.

If I could go back & meet with her, I think there’s something we could teach each other. She would remind me to live in the present. Thankfully, I no longer fear the future. I am excited about the future. I now forget about the present and I’m always waiting for “the next step.” I actually need to do more of “stop and smell the roses.” ESPECIALLY since I am now a mom and I know my kiddos won’t be this little for long.

I would tell her that the future isn’t so scary. Yes, at times I felt (and still do feel!) lost in the dark. But I’ve learned to trust God more. I would tell her that you will actually SURVIVE heartaches. You will survive bad choices. You will survive circumstances that *gasp* were out of your control. And you will be better because of all of it.

Oh to be young, but yet have the “wisdom” from heartache that I know now…

And for those of you wondering – the mission trip was to a suburb of San Diego doing work and VBS at a Latin Church there. It was amazing!!


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